I have finally returned from my second annual pilgrimmage to "Elephant's Ass" Ontario and I swear, I'm never going back... until they start begging next year. Actually, Mr. Romie says I'm not going back. Hah! Like after 17 years of marriage, we're going to start headship now... Then again, it's a damn good excuse to get out of anything church related.



I think I've mentioned that Riverview is a very low-tech camp. The river in "Riverview" is more like a glorified mud puddle that's inhabited by the "Gilly Monster". The monster either has a lot of family or he keeps changing his height. He has a tendency to sneak up on unsuspecting sleepy campers and scare the shit out of them.

Let's see, what else does this camp have... Oh yes, a blind Shetland pony named Daisy and a hot-tub. Not that Daisy ever goes in the hot-tub. I think it has something to do with not being able to find the on/off switch. Did I mention we're in the middle of "Old Order Mennonite Country". Yip... drag racing "dachwaegles" down the county roads. I had to drive an hour and a half each day (round trip) to buy specialized food items for the kids with dietary concerns as well as milk and bread. Can you imagine that the grocery stores in Elephant's Ass will carry 5 different types of head cheese, but no soy cheese? What the fuck is up with that?

Then there was the lovely thunderstorm that took out the transformer. Okay, not only did that mean no electricity, it also meant no water because the well had an electric pump. Can you say interesting morning?

One of my kitchen "helpers" went home that morning. I guess I wasn't fucking "perky" enough for her. That's not the reason she gave of course. She was just a little pissed that after 18 hour days, I didn't feel like talking at 1 in the morning. She fucking slept all afternoon and didn't do a damn thing. No wonder she was wide awake.

My other 2 helpers? Ned Flanders and his wife, complete with 2 kids. The 12 year old was one whiny little fuck who I was ready to throw into the hot tub with a plugged in boom box.... Too bad we had no power at that point.

Actually, they were Ned and Maude Flanders with fanny packs.

Ned and Maude Flanders wearing matching t-shirts.

Ned and Maude Flanders referring to each other as "Mom and Dad".

Ned calling Maude "mommy" a couple of times.

Ned's catch phrase of "Ba-da-da-da-da, I'm lovin' it" every fucking 5 minutes.

Ned and Maude floating in the hot-tub with their fanny packs, matching t-shirts, whiny 12 year old, a blind shetland pony and my plugged in boom box complete with my Christian heavy metal blaring full blast before it sends them all to glory...

And those were the best parts of my week.

More to follow.